Thursday, November 9, 2017

Learning To Live Like You’re Not Dying

I’ve spent the majority of my life thinking I would die. My entire life, I thought I had a weak immune system. I got these prolonged flus that lasted days. On top of that, when I was in college I was rear-ended by a semi and broke my neck and had a subdermal hematoma (blood clot) on my brain stem. I remember having a cvs episode in a halo on the neurological floor. My disease had yet to be diagnosed. They thought I was having a traumatic brain reaction. With my neck broken, they couldn’t bring themselves to tell me that my MRI showed that I would never have children. Well, I did have a child. Still, I did not know I had a disease and not a weak immune system. Until four years ago this last August. I’ve learned to live with this syndrome and to abate the majority of my symptoms. I called this journey my kobayashi maru or my no-win scenario. That is a Star Trek reference if you have never seen an episode. Well, I know how to live with this disease. I’m still chronically ill, but I know how to manage it. It’s another issue that I now face. I’m now a single mother. A single mother who is chronically ill. That means I have to figure out how to support and care and do this while managing my symptoms. This is my current no-win scenario. Remember, a few years ago I pondered disability. I did this while I was married. This brings me to faith. That is something I do have. I have faith that I will overcome this current situation. I’ll do it while managing my cvs. God Bless, Tammy

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